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December 25, 2009

TOP TEN THINGS JAMAICANS DO AT CHRISTMAS TIME


BY STARAPPLE

Well it is Christmas so I will make it light this week. After all we will be saddled with enough taxes next year that even boxers with holes and panties with stretched out waistlines will still be worn.

• Paint their houses. Why does the house have to be painted, white wash anyone? It is not a law, it is not a commandment. It will still be the same house the 31st of December of the old year as it will be on the 1st of the next year.

• Middle and top brass managers try not to have to go to work (SMIKLE anyone) because strangely it seems like at this time of year workers seem to have crosses following them so they need more cash or some strange expenses appear so they kinda get cozy with the boss. Not to mention workers in general try to avoid work. Suddenly someone in the family dies (even if they were dead years before), a child is ill, or they feel ill (even though they have an airline ticket for North America), they met in an accident and the list goes on.

• Bosses go to office parties, enjoy sufficient libation, pretend to be drunk just so they can put it on on a co-worker they have the hots for all this time.

• Throw away perfectly good clothes, even though not a thing wrong with them. Then they go out and buy some even if they have to borrow the money or trust the clothes

• Men will find all reasons to be upset with the girl on the side just so he can drop her until the New Year and avoid extra expenses during the Christmas; ladies will start going to parties heavily in November so that they can hook a man for the Christmas and get some hot clothes, new hairstyle, and mani- and pedi- money.

• They will visit grandma or mommy’s house and eat the same Christmas dinner they have been eating every year since they were a child (if is the only time the parents see their child); some will eat the food even though they wish they had a dog by the table foot to just filter off the food cause it just doesn’t taste good, but you want mama fi feel good

• They lose all common sense and drive like darn idiots on the road. They cause a lot of congestion not because there is a long line, but because SELFISHNESS becomes premium and generally drivers don’t know how to change lanes properly. Let’s not even mention the fact that pedestrians refuse to use pedestrian crosses and develop an uncanny habit of just walking out in the road despite an oncoming vehicle or just standing wherever they want in the middle of a busy road and cuss you out or cut their eye if you ever dare to honk your horn

• They go to church even if it is for the one and only time of year they do it and then they hurry back to the car of home to change off so they can enter back to reality by reveling in pagan behaviour

• They try to make peace with someone they malice over foolishness in the spirit of the season and as January morning comes around, war resumes.

• They try to bleach (stay up all night) to party; the ladies will wear 10 steppers (shoes that you can only wear for 10 steps before you want ‘dash dem off’ cause your feet feel like your matey obeahed you); the men will wear outfits they just bought from a vendor they just passed because men generally try to pretend Christmas is not here (it means they have to spend more money or find a stash to give x, y, z …..)

I know right, you are dropping off your chairs now. Add some more to the comments section so we can all have a good laugh

6 comments:

  1. this is definitely what most of us here in JA do.
    parties, food, going to families houses to visit or just to eat food and cake.
    atleast we make sure to have fun no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well to me Christmas isn't about getting presents when you get older, it's about food! New Year's Eve is all about drinking! But this year I ate & drank on Christmas, which is a first for me.
    And that part about driving, well I'd say that's how most Jamaicans drive everday... lol

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