January 15, 2010
HOW YOU CAN SPOT A JAMAICAN ON A FLIGHT OR IN THE AIRPORT:
1. They are always arguing with the flight attendant over seat position; even when the seat they are in was assigned to someone else; and insist on not moving so much so it becomes almost like an IMF round of negotiation between the flight attendant and the stubborn Jamaican; hence we are always delayed.
2. They always have their documents well put up even after they move off from Immigration to Customs; everything well hidden so much so it takes about 5 minutes to find them
3. Just before landing, the flight suddenly smells like you walked in a perfume or cologne store; cause Jamaicans have to freshen up before they meet immigration
4. They are the ones in deep conversation with the Immigration officer; smiling and greeting as if they are the Immigration Officer
5. They always have the loudest discussion on their cell phones even when the captain just instructed them to turn off all electrical instruments and wait for the flight attendant to tell them 2 times after that that they have to get off as though it's the first time they are hearing it
6. As the plane lands on the tarmac; even if they were in a deep sleep during the flight they jump up like they were tasered and take off the seatbelt faster than Usain in Berlin and try to take down their 50 lb luggage so they can get to the front of the plane before it gets to the gate; even if they were in seat 33D
7. No matter how well dressed they are a scandal or lada bag is a must; even if it contains expensive items or they have to walk with a Mega Mart, Price Mart or Bashco bag
8. The women always wear some impossible heels even though they know that all flights that originate from Jamaica and that land in the USA are always given the gate farthest from the Immigration Counter; the men always have on the latest sneakers or kick me come kill me boots that are squeezing the daylights out of their toes. Regular born in the USA Americans wear whatever.
9. Jamaicans are the only ones you will see bending under the cue belt instead of following the line to get to the immigration officer
10. They are the only ones to hold spaces in the check in line and the Immigration Line.
11. They consistently never have anything to declare even when they are visiting for one day to the USA and have 3 bags that look like they weigh a tone.
12. Jamaicans are always reading the Immigration and Customs forms over and over like it's the first time they are seeing one; checking and rechecking and even when they get to Immigration they have to step aside to fill out something that they missed; holding up the line in the process
13. Even if they are not hungry they will accept the food that is served on the airline; look carefully and you will see them stuffing it in their luggage which is already straining at the zips;
14. After they manage to trick the check in agent and get on board the aircraft pass the flight attendant with hand luggage that should be on a cargo plane or a barge; they look around in amazement at the storage bins wondering why they are so small and why their hand luggage can't fit; even upon realizing that it can't fit they will launch into a mini powerlifting competition raising the fluffy piece of luggage as many times off the floor or passenger seat to the bin as possible trying to force it in; HOW IN THE WORLD DID THEY GET PASS THE CHECK IN AGENT AND FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN THE FIRST PLACE? I think the key is to eye lock the check in agent and flight attendant so they never look down at the oversized hand luggage.
15. Even after they get the confirmation email which says you are allowed only 1 piece of check in luggage of a maximum weight of 50 lbs you will find them at the check in counter opening 3 - 5 very massive suitcases removing sneakers, sugar, toilet paper, radio and such the likes and hissing their teeth the entire time and cussing under their breaths that "afta it cyan weigh more dan 50 lbs" which always hold up the line;
16. You can always spot a Jamaican who is coming back a yard because when they are at the overseas airport they always want to take picture at the drop off point even when the signs STATE CLEARLY that NO PARKING, ONLY DROP OFF.
17. They always are the ones in the cars you see circling the pickup area about 50 times like they are in a rally; when it would have been cheaper to park.
18. When they land overseas if they don't have a roaming cellular or no coins to make a call; look carefully that person you see edging closer and closer to you and circling nearby who suddenly ends up by your side wanting to borrow your phone to make a call is more than likely a Jamaican
19. They are always the ones who are stripping off the most number of items when they have to go through the security check points cause Jamaicans have to floss; they have to be extra with everything down to platinum filling
20. They are always cussing the Security Agents who upon checking their hand luggage discard their perfume, make up, cologne, toothpaste, lotion and salon size shampoo because they are not in a zip lock bag. The Jamaican is always wondering out LOUD why a scandal bag not good enough.
We Say It How We See It